Pisara's Xanga

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Sat, 26 Sep 2009 19:24:57 GMT

I look at the window from behind my laptop and my reflection stares back at me from the dark glass.
So may things are running through my head its hard to grab any of them.
It all comes down to God Jesus.
It feels as though Im growing, but still I am yet small.
The more I grow the smaller I become; the less I know; the less I'm capable of doing on my own.
Is this growth?
Maybe it is understanding, that I am not able to do anything on my own.
I'm depending on God. I have no other way to go but to Him.
When I do something right I can rejoice with Him like a little child who is able to take one step without falling over. When I do something wrong I still go to Him. I don't have any other place to go.
I listen to preachers and marvel at their knowledge of God.
Will I ever know God as they do?
I cannot live by only reading books about Him.
I cannot live by only listening to sermons or teaching made of Him.
I need to meet with God personally.
Thank you Jesus that you are almighty and are in control of everything.
<3

Eeva

Our plans VS God's plans

Thu, 04 Jun 2009 18:46:35 GMT

I spoke to one friend of mine the other day. We talked about God, and I asked why he didn't believe in Jesus. He told me that everything in his life is so good at the moment.

I understood from what he said that he probably either thought he didn't need God, or then he thought God would spoil everything and make his life worse. Or maybe not worse, but just radically change it into a more undesirable direction.

At the moment I was puzzled. Why would anyone reject God?
God doesn't make our life miserable. He loves us and saves us and teaches us new things; He answers all our questions and is with us every day of our life; He chills with us, laughs and crys with us..

Why would someone be afraid of God making things worse?

I didn't understand it then. But then I ended up listening to Heidi Baker from the internet.
As I listened to her message I was amazed at her. She was so pure in her love for God. So obedient, so lovable, faithful, thirsty for Jesus. I realized that I wanted what she had.

I want to know God as she knows Him. I want to thirst for Jesus; I want more of God. I want to know what He is thinking; I want to share everything with Him. I want to say: "Yes Lord, take me wherever you want, my life is yours, I want to obey You, I want to love like You do. Just teach me everything and do with my life whatever You see fit."

This is what my heart cried out from the depths of my spirit. But then something came up. I recalled Heidi telling how people have been trying to kill her and all other hardships that she has been through. No one said following Jesus was easy. I hesitated; do I really want all that I said above? Do I really want to get to know more of Jesus' heart and follow Him wherever He may lead me, if I had to let go of some things?

Then I understood my friend’s thoughts: he doesn't know what God would do with his life if he gave it to Him. Maybe God would make him do some things he doesn't feel comfortable doing, maybe he would need to give up things...

But the thing is, I know what my friend would get in return, and I know it is worth it. Not only worth it in this life, but also in the other. Because I have crossed that line of belief I know his fears are vain. He has no reason to be afraid of God. Accepting Jesus as the only Son of God and our Saviour is the greatest thing that can happen to us and the best thing ever.

This moment of hesitation I had, passed as I made my decision. If I have not lived in that kind of obedience, that kind of intimacy with God, why should I be afraid of it? Just because I can imagine all sorts of things that could frighten me with such a commitment does not mean I am right and that my life would turn miserable. Sure bad things happen, but bad things happen to everyone. I see the fruits such commitment to God bears and I long for it, what should I be frightened of?

Because I know God created me and I know I am going to heaven because of Jesus, wouldn't I want to make the most of my life? Wouldn't I want to live for God fully, to love with all I have (or with what God gives me) and search God the most? I do. That is exactly what I want. I want Jesus fully. Not just the part where He dies for my sins and opens the gate for me to enter heaven, but I want to get to know His heart. What is He thinking at the moment? What could Jesus do through me, if I let Him? Nothing is impossible for him, who believes, because I myself cannot do anything, but God in me is able to do everything, I believe He can change my resisting heart into something that can please Him.

I want Jesus.

Jesus I ask you to use me. Jesus give me love to love people like you love them. Teach me obedience, teach me grace, and teach me love. Give me wisdom, humility, understanding, patience, love. In Jesus name.

God is truly alive. He is amazing. Nothing binds Him. He is great. My words are not able to describe God, but I know He loves us with His everlasting love and I know His heart longs for ours. I know He is patient so that we could get to know Him better and we could be saved. Thank you Jesus!

Eeva//Thirsting for God Jesus!

I want to drink from the spring of eternal life!

Saturday, May 23, 2009

Sat, 23 May 2009 10:11:26 GMT

Too many exams coming, too many essays to write.

But God is good, and he helps me with his might.

I wish I had the motivation to study, but sometimes I feel so lazy.
Like I have tons of other things to do, and the studying just grows hazy!

I don't like glasses so I bought lenses for my eyes the other day,
Now my eyes feel weird, but I guess thats the price I have to pay.

Maybe today I'll go see a film with my bro,
Angels and demons, he suggested and I couldn't say no.

My back muscles hurt from training; I forgot to stretch.
I want to get a massage but instead I have to go to the store and fetch
-milk.

Eeva// going for poetry
(anything besides studying is a refreshment!)

Unrequited Love

Wed, 06 May 2009 07:57:18 GMT

I was lying eyes closed on my bed thinking of how tired I was. I opened my eyes and saw the phosphor stars, I had glued on the wall and ceiling, shed their dim light. I turned around and grabbed my diary from the side of my bed. Pen. I need a pen; I thought and bent over to look for it under my bed. Found one. It had been a long time since I had written anything in my diary, but now I decided to use this lazy time to put some of my thoughts down.

Unrequited love

Sometimes the feeling of longing for that special someone overcomes you like a wave you don't even want to swim against. This wave is especially strong during the late hours of the evenings, when your brain is not occupied in thinking about the smart things of life, and you tiredly let it roam free inside your head picking on things you wish it'd let just be.

To make you feel even worse is the fact that while your brain is going through your longing emotions, it decides to do a comparative study and brings out all the happy couples you know who supposedly are either married, or began dating around your age or earlier. Obviously your mind means no harm to you, but it’s just a little hobby if it’s when it gets too bored.

"Nice, my parents are still married... " my mind says and a picture of my smiling parents who found each other when they were in their teens flashes across my eyes. "Oh, and my sister too, and my brother will tie the knot this weekend," my brain goes on obviously evading to calculate the consequences its comparative study could cause. "Oh, my relatives are all pairing up and my schoolmates are all dating. Coooool. Yeap, my little sister has also found that special someone. Aha.." There are times I let my mind win and I fall deep into the pretty pits of comparing and agonizing why everyone else and not me. But that day is not today. I have learnt to trust.

Not being able to see him does not mean he does not exist.

I held the pen in my hand and glanced outside the window. Snow was slowly falling from the sky. Big white flakes dancing in the light of the lamppost.

Sometimes I was asked the question why I didn't date, or why was I still single. The question almost sounded like "What is wrong with you? Why don’t you have a man?" as if to imply that though I looked normal from the outside I had something seriously wrong with me from within. Obviously I do not have an objective opinion about myself, so I couldn't say whether my mind functions normally or not, but I would argue that a man and a woman are a whole on their own as well as with someone.

One question is, why start a relationship with someone one does not like, or with whom one does not like to chill out and share one's thoughts with?

Here someone could ask "Haven’t you ever liked someone? Haven’t you ever felt like you would want to spend some time with that person and share your thoughts with him?"
Yes, this is the tricky part. When it comes to relationships, usually a mutual feeling of these kinds of things is required. Nobody wants to force someone to like them in that special way if they do not feel the same way naturally. Pretending to be someone else just to fit one's requirements, just so to gain his affections can be costly..

Eeva: "So, what’s your favorite color? I like blue best."

That someone: "Blue? I hate blue; my favorite color is poop brown."

Eeva: "Really.. Actually, come to think about it, I also love poop brown best!"

That someone:"Really! Then we are a perfect match! We should get married in poop brown clothes and have our house painted the same color!"

Eeva: "Uhh... Yea..." and in her head Eeva thought: I’m getting married, but at what cost! I hate poop brown, and now I have to pretend my whole life!

… Indeed. Don’t you just love my excellent example, huh?

Anyways, the moral of the story is, you should be yourself. Pretence is not a good basis for a relationship.

I yawned. The day had been long and now it was snowing more. I got up and stretched. I felt dizzy for a moment probably because I got up too fast and squeezed my eyes shut waiting it to pass. I wanted to get rid of this weird feeling. I need to get some fresh air, I thought and went to look for my gloves and jacket. I pulled my pink hat on and looked down at my shoe-collection. I had bought my first high-heeled winter shoes ever and they looked at me innocently from the floor as if to say: "Wear me! You will finally be pretty and the unbearable pain your feet will be feeling tomorrow will be worth it!" I hesitantly glanced at my pair of old, worn, sneakers, which would not win the fashion prizes anytime soon, unless "dorky" became the new "hip". I grabbed my dorky shoes and pulled them on.

I was not like the other girls. Maybe none of the girls are like the other girls, but that would just pose the question “Who are the other girls in the first place?” Anyways, I was different. I looked around me in the city covered in snow and thanked God I had not worn a skirt. It was freezing.

Okay, maybe there was something in me that affected my choice in men, and sometimes it worked as an excellent men-repeller as well. I have never had troubles discussing this issue with people, men or women and to be honest every time I discuss about this issue I feel as though I'm a fish released into the fresh deep sea, aka happy. It’s my passion, and I feel I would want to share it with that special someone.

So what is this thing I have, which works so well? Though my mum would suggest it would be judo that scares the men away, the one which repels even some of the judokas is Jesus.

As I said, mutual liking is required in a relationship. Or at least the will to want like the other person no matter what. As this is said, I think we are able to know a little bit of how God feels.

God loves us so much, but among us there are those who do not love Him back. God thinks about us 24/7 and the thought of getting attention and spending time with us brings a smile on His face. But the smile is not there to stay because the people ignore Him, reject Him and run away from Him.

It seems as though some of us would rather have God as the poop brown loving person, who is pretending to be who we want Him to be rather than accepting God as He is with His righteous opinions no matter how harsh they might feel at first. We talk about the importance of being yourself but refuse to accept others when they actually are being themselves.

Imagine loving someone so much that he is constantly in your mind. You cannot get over him until you gather the courage to tell him or her how you feel. You wish and dream he would feel the same, but when the frightful moment comes when you let him know how you feel..

He looks into your eyes and laughs:

"I dont feel the same way"

"I don’t believe you actually love me!"

"Actually, I hate you"

"Let’s just be friends, ok?"

It just breaks your heart.

After all, you were longing for a deeper intimacy and got rejected.

God does it too. He longs for a deeper intimacy with us and it breaks His heart every time He gets rejected.

Unrequited love. God of all people (metaphorically speaking) knows what it is like to love and not be loved back in return. But the difference is what God does after He gets rejected? He still decides to love with His perfect forgiving and caring love regardless whether we decide to answer His love or not.

I think I want to do so too…

Eeva // waiting for summerrrrr \(^-^)/

Spring

Sat, 14 Mar 2009 22:16:49 GMT

Spring was coming. The roads were still slippery from ice, but the air had the scent of life in it.

The previous week had been somewhat crazy. But sometimes things are that way. As for what comes to the present state of matters, things seemed more stable. Although sometimes I amused myself with the thought that if some things are not thought they do not exist, I soon realized that even the unthought things exist. Unfortunately avoiding unwanted matters do not dispose of them.

そうですね。
日本へ行きたい。日本語をもっと話したい。もっと勉強したい。
いまはエストニアに住んでいます。エストニアで勉強しています。日本語や中国語や英語を勉強しています。毎週柔道をします。スポオツがすきですから。そしてもうすぐ柔道のしあいがあります。だかられんしゅうしなければなりません。

Eeva

Battling satan

Sun, 08 Feb 2009 20:45:30 GMT

Hey people!
I know its been a while, but I hope you will enjoy my short story. The ones starring in it are very famous.

I hope you enjoy the

" EPIC BATTLE OF THE ANCIENT MINDS IN THE TERRITORY OF A GIRLS HEAD ON A SPRING MORNING"

... You know I'm not so good with names.. But then again, I'm sure the content is the most important, right?

"I sat on the hard wooden bench fighting against distraction. I felt as though something was pressing me hard. The law. I felt I was under the law.

"But that can't be it. Jesus has freed us from it," I tried to reason. This reasoning did not explain why I felt the way I did. It was as though everything around me was yelling me to try to be good. Not in a Godly sense but in this I have to or else-sense. I sighed and closed my eyes.

"Maybe God could wash this feeling away with grace..?"
A short snicker interrupted my request and I glanced to my left. A beautiful angelic creature looked at me with a mocking smile.
"Your'e such a bad Christian," the beautiful creature almost laughed his face accusing me for not reaching the standards of goodness. I felt the burden lay heavily on my shoulders.

"Would grace cover for my incompetence?" I asked him slightly annoyed by the interruption of my thoughts.
"Fool! Do you really think God would take you as you are?" His voice was nearly frantic, "Yeah, sure," he snorted "He might accept you like that at first, but actually He wants you to become better. You should read the Bible more, go to church, pray more, spread the Good News better." He was obviously trying to keep his voice light, though I felt a flush of distaste in his tone on the way he said the 'Good News'.

"But, I am. I'm trying to do those things. I pray.." I mumbled as I heard his voice of condemnation still ring in my ears.
"You think God hears your prayers? Do you think He actually cares?" The creature challenged, his blue saphire-like eyes sparkling.
"Umm.. Yeah. I think He does," I answered truthfully.

"Well, why isn't your finger healed?" He pointed at my swollen left hand middle finger with an innocent grin on his face. I had hurt my finger about six months ago, and the joint had really swelled up and felt tender even now. I opened my palm infront of my face feeling the angelic gaze follow my expression carefully.
"God can heal me anytime," I defended.
"Yeah, He could heal you," He paused tactically, "If He wanted to.. But seeing it is not healed.." his voice drifted away letting my imgination fill the rest of the sentence.
"Its not like that.. " I rejected his idea. He was silent for a while, staring idly at the high white church windows.

"A true Christian would not turn down any opportunity to pray; weather it means praying alone or in a group. I haven't seen you do that in a long time," a hard mocking edge entered his tone as he continued "Maybe God has chosen to leave you. You know He knows who'll go to heaven and hell, and maybe He saw best to erase your name from the list.."
I stared at the beautiful face in disbelief.
"Or then again, maybe it is good you don't pray in groups. Its not as if you have something special to say, anyways. Just the normal whining," he chuckled silently at his private joke.

"Who are you?" I managed to get my voice even. His comment had hurt. I knew I was not much of a prayer. Yes, I whined to God about several things, usually not even letting Him get a word in between, but that was private. That was between me and Him.

"You wonder why God never answers your prayers? " He asked flatly ignoring my question.
"What do you mean He doesn't answer. He does-"
"The finger, remember," he pointed at my hand with a jubilant grin before continuing "To me it seems as though God has put you on a loooong hold. Or maybe your life calling is just to stay out of the way of the Good Christians, who actually seek God and are really, really close to Him, " he mused.

"If God calls me to stay out of the way, I should do as He says." I was sure he could hear the sadness in my voice.
"Yea.. Some people just haven't got any talents to begin with," he seemed to be talking to himself now rather than me. I clenched my fist around the bills I was holding trying to suppress my anger. He seemed to notice that.

"Do you plan on giving money to the church?" His voice was barely interested now.
"Whats it to you," I answeres curtly.
"So you're trying to pretend to be the 'good christian' by giving away all that money? Don't you think thats a bit too much?"
"I don't plan on pretending anything to anyone.. And I don't have to give it all."
"What, now you're gonna put only a little bit of money instead of all of that? What kind of a Christian are you, you don't even pay tithes. Don't you know 'God loves a cheerful giver'? Selfish girl.." He muttered.
"Okay, okay. Fine, see, I'll put all the bills in. Happy now?" I just wanted him to shut up. This angelic creature was driving me crazy.
"God, you are such a show-off. Think you can buy your way to heaven, huh?"
I couldn't believe it. What was I suppose to do then? I stared at the creatures perfect features, which were fixed into an innocent smile clearly aware of my inner struggle.

"Youre giving me a headache," I finally concluded.
"Bet your God won't heal that either," he chuckled. "Not with your resumé at least."

"You think?" An unfamiliar velvet voice from my left interrupted the musing of the gorgeous creature. Before I turned my head to see who spoke, I saw the creature's angelic features twist with such hate and revulsion I instinctly flinched back. I quickly followed the creature's gaze to my left. A gentle pair of eyes looked past me with such authority and confidence I felt my heart skip a beat. I stared in awe at the man. His looks weren't exceptional in any way, but it was his spirit and being that emanated such goodness and acceptance that I could not turn my eyes off of him. It wasn't until he turned his eyes to mine that I had to look down. I had never felt so loved in my entire life.

"Do not be afraid," his every word was filled with compassion, "You don't have to fill any laws. I have already fulfilled the Law."

It was exactly as I thought. I was not bound by the Law.

Didn't Jesus take our transgressions for the exact reason that we, people, were not capable of making our way to heaven with our deeds? God wanted to show His love to us, and what better way to do that than to give His love freely to everyone who is willing to accept it through-

"Jesus...," I whispered out loud.

I glanced to my right at the creature. His expression was pained and he seemed to shrink on his seat. The beauty he had reflected earlier had vanished leaving the once sparkling eyes burning with hatred and bitterness. Unforgiveness had distorted his face into a sad mask and the closeness of such pure goodness seemed to take its toll on his self-control as fear flashed through his eyes.

"Eeva." The man said my name and I had never heard anyone say it with such tenderness. I looked shyly up to the man now knowing who He was. His brown eyes pored into mine and at that moment I felt the answers to all my doubts, fears and unvoiced questions. Nevertheless He decided to voice them.

"I hear your prayers. I never leave your side so how could I not hear them?" It was not a question

"I'm not looking for talents in people. I don't offer forgiveness while expecting people to pay me back. I'm looking for people who are willing to love." My eyes filled up with tears. I had to look down.

"You did not choose me, but I chose you. And I'm not going to leave my work unfinished." It was so hard to understand how I could be loved with such patience.

"But you know the path that comes from following Me is not the easiest one," He paused and a sorrowful tone entered His voice " this path includes pains, hardships, disease, accidents, persecution, suffering, sadness.. Your finger is not the biggest hardship a Christian can go through, trust me." It was true, and I knew it. After all what He had gone through on the cross and I would whine over a swollen finger? I took a deep breath to calm myself.

"And what comes to your self-defense, " I could hear the smile in His voice now. "I think you need to practise spiritual judo as well as the original art." I blushed still looking down.

"It is written 'For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.'"

In that moment I felt the weight be lifted off of me. I glanced to my right side.
The hard wooden bench was empty.

Satan was gone."

Yes, so as you can see this Jesus-character won many Oscars from His performance.
Also, I heard from a reliable source, that He does His own stunts..
But be good.

Tomorrow is my first spring day in school. Sugoi!

Thats right.

Eeva

General Linguistics hates me..

Mon, 08 Dec 2008 22:53:16 GMT

My head was hurting. It was dark and way past midnight. I was sitting by my computer screen and tried to concentrate on the metaphorical paralinguistics.
My head was spinning and I felt the cold. Why was this happening to me?
I closed my eyes and could see the words slowly disappearing into the darkness. I opened my eyes and stared infront of me. The letters on the computer screen were moving and jumping now. The text was slipping away from me, I could not concentrate though I tried.
The computer screen stared back at me though the letters on it were laughing at me. I could hear them.
The grammatical forms kept avoiding my gaze as I moved my face closer to the screen.
The lights went dim as I saw it: The phonetic transcription was gone. It had just been there but I could not find it anywhere. I would not let the rest of them go, I thought and tried to make something out of the mess on the screen. I needed to know more, but they would not let me.
The phonemes had begun moving. The morphemes were clicking to one another making words I had never seen nor heard before. The whole screen was spinning with Indo-European languages and Lexicology.
I pressed my eyes closed.
It was silent. As I opened my eyes I saw the screen stare at me blankly.
All the words, terms, theories and everything I was supposed to know were back neatly as if nothing had ever happened.

Why is it, that everytime I try to read to exams things it end up like this?
Why is it so hard to focus on studying?

Introduction to general linguistics hates me.

Eeva// Studying the joys of general linguistics

Warning: Might offend people who do not know the truth

Mon, 24 Nov 2008 21:14:38 GMT

DO NOT READ! WHATEVER YOU DO、 DONT DO IT...
(reverse psychology works sometimes....except if its this weird...)

Is faith and religion something we pick. Something we choose from the abundance of other choices and whichever we choose it will be the right one for us.
For example: Someone can say he prefers the buddhistic spiritual views.

But with such a claim, is he also saying that the buddhistic views are true and therefore the right ones, or that he just prefers them over some other choices?

Rather than picking the most comfortable religion or spiritual view, shouldn't we rather seek for the truth?

I'm not a christian because I went through all other religions and found out Christianity suited me best.
I believe in Jesus because I know He exists and that He is real.

Believeing in something I know is not true is complitely useless. I'd be just kidding myself with that.
So without searching for the religion or God, which fits best our lifestyle, we should rather seek Who God is.

Truth isn't always the choice we would pick, but rejecting what is true is stupid.
Since I know Jesus is the Son of God, why bother to fake that He isn't?
And when I say Jesus is the Son of God, I do not mean ”Jesus is the Son of God to me“.

Truth is not something that bends.

If something is true, then it is true for everyone.
If I walk down a road, turn left and see a forest, and someone else does the exact same: down the same road, turn left etc. He will not see a lake, but the Forest. Why? Because the forest is real.

The existence of something is not dependant on our opinions nor is it dependant on our belief in it.
If I stop believeing this computer, I'm typing with, exists, it will nevertheless continue to exist.
My belief does not change reality.
If in my opinion this computer is red, fluffy and soft, the computer will not cease to be grey and hard just so that it could match my opinions.
My opinion of the computer does not change reality.

In the same way our beliefs in God's existence will not change reality.
Saying God does not exist will not make Him disappear.
Also our opinions of who God is will not change His character.
Having opinions on how God will turn a blind eye to our evil deeds will not make Him do so.
Explaining what God really meant when He gave us the laws, will not help us escape the day of judgment.

Point 2

Finding God Jesus

Do we really really really really want to know that God exists?
Okay, Im not taking sides, because when it comes to facts youd be stupid to claim the opposite.

Ive heard some people say that there is no way to find out if God exists or not.
Can you find something if you don't look for it?
If I have lost my keys and I just sit down and give up and be like ”There is no way Im ever going to find my keys.” Then I will probably be right. Why? Because I am not looking for them.
But when I start looking for my keys there is a higher probability that I end up finding them.

The same goes for God.
If we want to find Him, we should look for Him.
If we don't want to find Him... Well.. we might still find Him, or He might find us. However one wants to put it.

Eeva

PS:

そうですね。
今日はわたしのたんじょうびです。２０さいなります。としをとりますね。たいへん。
木曜日ともだちはフィンランドからきます。楽しみます。

你好嗎。我叫夏娃。我觷中文。我要一枝篳。

Mm, this is were my brain stops today.
Be blessed!

Living ones life..

Fri, 24 Oct 2008 17:59:08 GMT

I closed my eyes and breathed in the warm autumn air. It smelled like the ocean.
Was I missing out on something? I lifted my head and opened my eyes. The velvet blue sky was decorated with diamond-like stars. I smiled.
The years I had gathered weren't much, but I had lived them the best I could. Meeting new people, traveling to places and enjoying my life the best that I could, with no regrets.
I grabbed a hold on the tree trunk and flung myself one branch higher; one branch closer to the stars.
Sure some people might have thought I was not living my life. Living it out, being all exciting and trying all kinds of new experiences. But then again, I knew what the experiences they were talking about were, and I didn't find them interesting. Why spend my life doing things I don't like, when I could do the things I like?
I glanced down. It was a long way to the ground but I didn't feel frightened.
I have seen things other people haven't seen. I even know things other have never even heard of.
But not only because I have experienced much, but because not everyone want to know the things I know.
It is safer that way. Holding yourself on the world you are familiar with.
Holding tight on your mind and science, as if it could explain everything.
It cant. But to take the leap closer to the unknown is scary.
I glanced up. There was a branch I might be able to reach. I felt the gentle wind in my hair as I reached over to get one more step closer to the sky. I grabbed onto the branch and flipped my body on top of it. The wind felt cooler now, but the stars were closer. They smiled at me from up above and I smiled back at them.
We are frightened by the fact that our lives might change. That we would have to step outside of the safe boundaries we have got used to. Which one do we find more frightening: a known fear or an unknown one?
What if there is something beyond science?
What if God exists?
I leaned on the harsh branch and listened to the waves with my eyes closed.
The air stood still and the moment seemed to last for a long time as if the nature was holding its breath.
I opened my eyes and stood up.
I knew God existed. That was not a question I had trouble giving an answer to.
After all, Gods works of hands were clearly visible and His presence lingered with me wherever I went.
Not because I was somehow holy or better than others, but just simply because I paid attention to it.
I knew He would be present whenever and wherever, and the knowledge of it made me pay attention to Him.
The wind had began to blow and the nature was breathing again. A lonely cloud wondered past the shining stars as I leaned back on the old tree trunk.
So what, if our lives change. Not everything unknown is bad.
How do we know what Jesus wants with us if we never ask Him.
He will not force Himself into our lives and into our hearts if we do not allow Him.
He will not force us to change our habits or our lives if we do not want to.
All He wants to do is to save us. Jesus died for our sins and paid the bill for our mistakes.
We should be the ones to go to hell, we should be the ones to suffer. After all we are the ones who broke the law.
But what do we do?
We close our eyes from Jesus, the one who suffered and died for us, and we let Him stand alone at the door of our hearts and knock.
We ignore His love for us, and make excuses on why we cannot see Him.
Oh, we claim need evidence, but our heart wants to be opened to Jesus, but our mind, our flesh does not want to leave the comfortable zone.
The night deepened and the sky twinkled with the diamond-like stars. If only I could grab one. If only I could reach up.. One more branch.
The wind was no longer friendly, and the branches did not want to support me anymore, but I wanted to get closer to the sky. Just one more step..
I reached up and try to grab a hold of it when suddenly I lost balance and slipped.
For a moment I tried to grab something before gravity hit me and I began falling..

We say we do not care what happens after death. We might say we are good enough for heaven.
But when the moment comes, our heart is afraid.
Can anyone be good enough for the sinless, Holy Almighty God?
My heart doubts it as well. We can never be perfect, and perfect is the only things what is good enough for God.
Who can then be saved, you ask?
Thats exactly it. To us it is impossible, but to God anything is possible.
That is why He sent His only Son, Jesus, who we try so hard to ignore.
The truth is that without Jesus we are dead. Only in Jesus we have life.
Why do we run away from the one who can, will and has saved us?
There is nothing we lose when we accept Him as our Lord. When we accept His gift of eternal life.
On the contrary, really. We get everything.

" Behold, I stand at the door and knock; if anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and will dine with him, and he with Me." -Jesus

If we open up our hearts, Jesus will come in. It is a promise. We do not have to feel anything special in order to be saved, we do not even have to experience anything special. That is not the point. The point is we put our trust in Jesus Christ. When we come in front of God on the last day, He will smile at us and open His arms. Our debt has been paid and He we are His children.

The wind howled in my ears as I fell down. The once so captivating stars felt so far away and the ground that was coming closer to me felt so much more real now than before.
"Lord, help!" I cried out. I closed my eyes, when suddenly I felt someone's strong arms around me. I felt my body been lifted up and placed on the soft grass. I opened my eyes and could not hold back my love for Him. I grabbed His pierced hands and hugged Him tight. Tears of happiness flowed down as I held my Master wanting never to have to let go.
"I knew You would come.."

"But everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved."

Eeva

Asante sana Yesu!

Tue, 07 Oct 2008 12:51:15 GMT

Asante sana Yesu!

Mungu kweli anani bariki.
Aka, God is really good. I should write about His goodness more but right now I am short of time.
But let me just tell you that He hears our prayers, He is faithful and He answers our prayers.
Nothing is impossible to God, and I have nothing if I wouldnt have Him.
If I wouldnt have Jesus, my life would be pointless.
But God took me and I am His and all is well. I can see. I am awake. And God is too Good!
(well... not too, if you know what I mean...)
I would not be in a state like this if it werent for Jesus!
I am just resting in His hands as He works through the obstacles.

Mm..
I hope to have the time to tel you about my amazing prayer answers laterwards!

until then!

zai jian!

Eeva